Obama to Announce Plan to Balance Budget by Selling the Navy

(PP)- After several decades of constant bickering between Congressional Democrats and Republicans over fears that any spending cuts would damage their political careers, the two parties appear to have agreed on a proposal by President Barack Hussein Obama to sell the United States Navy to the United Nations on Tuesday.

The deal is said to eliminate $85 billion in federal spending every month, with a top House Democrat saying the Navy sale appeared to be “inevitable,” because it was the easy way to a balanced budget.

“Republicans were relentless with the “cut spending” rhetoric,” said a top Democrat currently being investigated on charges of whore mongering. “And the worst part of it was that they wanted to cut our liberal big government programs like Obamacare, pork barrel spending and cash for clunkers containing waste and fraud. That’s our stock in trade… Democrats could never say yes to those cuts… that’s how we buy our votes.”

Some insiders believed something big was in the works after orders recently came in from the top brass dictating that the Navy slogan be changed to “A Global Force For Good” which implies that the largest unified naval fleet was now working for the benefit of world, and no longer just for the United States.

President Obama is expected to notify the nation and members of the Naval community of the sale by his executive order early in his State of the Union speech on Tuesday night.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has told Republican leaders that Democrats remain steadfast about tax increases being part of the deal, but remained open to spending increases on new social programs once the Navy has been jettisoned and is no longer a big waste of money, and not an anchor pulling down the economy.

Seasoned Department of Defense experts were caught off guard, never having imagined that Pelosi was talking about selling off the Navy when the radical left wing  California congresswoman said, “What we do need is more revenue and new cuts,” on the Sunday morning news shows.

“This is almost unimaginable and everyone here is in complete shock,” said a Department of the Navy Rear Admiral. “We just got back from a tour of the Persian Gulf and we were hoping for some R & R, but it looks like everybody will be shipping out again under the command of another country with a new agenda.”

President Obama– who has suggested stopping the petty squabbling over nickels and dimes– simply decided to just sell one of the biggest American defense assets like the Navy because ‘this ain’t the olden days and people don’t fight like pirates anymore.’  Obama left it up to Nancy Pelosi to handle the details.

“We need a big, balanced, bold proposal,” said Pelosi, arguing that selling the Navy as a whole would be easier than dismantling it piece by piece, even though this would result in less revenue.

The Navy’s website has already been converted to Spanish, and may be viewed by clicking the link HERE.

“I’ll take responsibility as a Republican, but we’ve got to avoid it,” said Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain as he urged both parties to work together to avoid selling the Navy.

“The world is a very dangerous place,” he added, but did not appear to grasp the urgency of the situation as there was no time to negotiate because the sale was already a done deal.

The Palookaville post has learned that China will be lending the United Nations the money for the purchase of the U.S. Navy, and the United States will be paying the Chinese back as part of the agreement made by Jimmy Carter for the United States to pay all of the United Nation’s bills. Control of the fleet will now be administered by a joint command team from Iran, Egypt , Libya and Norway.

The Paperboy