(PP)- Republicans on Capitol Hill may have heard the first reports that President Obama is about to engage them in negotiating specific cuts to the out of control Federal spending in Washington. Unfortunately for the conservative lawmakers and most Americans, the cuts Obama envisions may mean the end of fair, open and honest elections in the United States.
“We all thought he was delivering our lost Christmas bonus checks,” said an anonymous employee, referring to a recent messenger. “Imagine our surprise to find a notice inside the envelope simply saying that the FEC was being eliminated…. and so was my job.”
Most of the firings were enforced immediately, but some upper management positions were scheduled to be terminated on Inauguration Day, allowing enough time for the destruction of sensitive documents.
Obama administration officials refused to issue a statement regarding the surprise move, but did say that detailed orders and instructions would soon be provided to both the media and all American citizens.
“Maybe now those racist Republicans will get off the President’s back about the lousy meaningless budget cuts,” said a vocal intern at MSNBC. “President Obama generously threw them a bone just to shut them up even though it’s apparent that we don’t really need to cut spending…. What we really need is to get the rich to pay more of their fair share.”
Experienced government officials and historians say that this type of political maneuver is not uncommon in the history of world governments looking for hope through change, a popular Obama slogan.
“By eliminating an elections organization it would appear that the President is not planning to hold future elections in this country,” said a former FEC commissioner. “We’ve heard that has happened to other countries in the past, but those democracies all became dictatorships which is not likely in the currently free America. This is the beauty of a free society…. we can decide to bring in a dictator if we so chose.”
Some more moderate Republicans thought the cuts were a very odd place to start, while others from the conservative point of view believed that the questionable move by Obama had sinister and ulterior motives.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that the President may be planning a coup d’etat from the inside,” said a radical Tea Party member. “He is centralizing his power in Washington, setting up a strategic base in Hawaii, taking away the people’s firearms and ability to defend themselves, has the support of the militant media and Hollywood left, and now he wants to stop open and free elections. The writing is on the wall people….. it’s time to wake up.”
The Palookaville Post has learned that the President’s plan to cut funding for the FEC may not signal the end of elections in America, but this is his way of moving government jobs to the private sector as many Republicans prefer. Some insiders are reporting that President Obama may appoint a small company called ACORN to be placed in charge of future private sector elections.